I am an incredibly private person. In fact, mention any of this to me directly, and I will probably deflect to something else to refrain from having to (face-to-face) discuss any of it. To reveal my deepest thoughts and feelings through this blog and put my simple online boutique on the world wide web (knowing the market, even in my own town, is completely saturated), is all quite....vulnerable.
Yet, there has been an unexpected blessing to this venture. I've discovered that several of my close friends have been touched by the plague of Alzheimer's on their loved ones. So, of course, they understand the emotionally fragile nature I'm in, but their comments of "if you want to talk, I'm here for you" has meant the world to me.
At this point, I haven't taken them up on the chats. But, if I never make a sale on my simple online boutique, it has all been worth it to know I'm not alone in this deep and desperate feeling of loss.
I want my Grandma back. I want to show her what I have accomplished, and I want to hear her say how proud she is of me.
But, that will never happen.
There's no cure for the disease that plagues her mind.
It won't be a huge impact, but I've decided that I can honor my Grandma by contributing some of what I have to Alzheimer's research. I know that would make her proud.